easy on the hairspray

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

I had to squish all their little bodies with a fork. One was walking off with a crumb of parmesan cheese, unacceptable. My faith in V as an ant spotter has increased immensely, esp since this is the first instance we have ever even seen ants while in each other's company...but her accomplishment is the real point here. I am disappointed in California Pizza Kitchen. Come on CPK, you're in Plano, at the expensive mall, get your act together and lose the ants. What if they crawled into my Anthropologie shopping bag and invaded my new purse (that I had no right to buy and should totally be saving my money instead) before I had a chance to fill it with gum wrappers and receipts?! It's only fair that I get to make it a hot mess. 

This week has been an insane week of tears, panic attacks, and an occasional super happy moment which I can only look at as proof that I am indeed losing my mind. They immensely screwed up my financial aid and it won't even be processed until the end of October. Instead of sitting pretty on my grants I should've received, I had to rush home and get a private loan for the meantime to pay my Dad back since he had to loan me a few grand on the spur of the moment, lest I miss a whole semester of school. That's the stuff you see on reality shows. Ok maybe a reality show on Lifetime, since financial aid isn't exactly sexy, and the results of being totally screwed by financial aid isn't sexy either. The morning after my hours of tears and freak outs I looked how Tyra Banks will look after she and Oprah finally have a smack-down.  

This coming week is my last week with the family I adore. I am so broken hearted that they can't afford a nanny anymore, but I understand the economy is crap. I am almost pretending it isn't happening, which is not only the dumbest thing to do, but is also handicapping me when it comes to returning calls of new families that want to hire me. I can't adequately put into words how sad I have been recently because of all that is happening. To top it off, for some odd reason I only feel like talking to a few people about it. In most instances I slap on a fake smile and change the subject. Maybe it's bc I know those few people would see through it, and worst of all, one of those people I can't depend on for anything, which makes me worried even more that I am starting to devote time to friends who don't give a genuine concern back. That has been making me rely more heavily on my loves I never get to see. Sometimes I want to hop in my car and drive to SA, just to sit on one of their couches, get a heart hug, and laugh until I can't breath. Our first night in NY, after one of my friends roomies had gossiped about everyone, S came to my apartment and said "I called my best friend and told her 'I just want to talk to someone who knows me' ". Sometimes you do. Sometimes you need someone there who just knows how bad you are feeling without you having to put it into words that you can't seem to find. 

Anyway...

K is moving into Dallas. I definitely can't say I blame her, she gets to move in with N who has far more space than our cramped house. She and I have gotten shafted being the last two to move in. We hardly got any space outside of our rooms, and it started to take a drastic toll on both of us being able to be here. I think I can shine it on until I (finally) graduate, seeing as how my roomies are awesome, but I can't blame her for getting a space change. I may not get to be home a lot, but when I am, she is always cracking me up. Besides being hilarious, her sarcasm and cynicism make me feel less bad about my own-ha. Tonight I showed her how to add unlimited texts and she put this in her blog. Exhibit #1 of why she is the funny one:

I will miss her.