she wants a knife for mother's day

I used to think it was me. I loved the pies and aprons, the general loss of identity, spit up, crying, being home to watch Oprah. I used to think I wanted that life..now I wish to live my own.

I was out of my element- I was at a Pampered Chef party. One of my roomies loves to cook, so much so that there are 4 boxes by our back door full of kitchen supplies we can't fit and have no use for. Since that doesn't apparently show a problem, she hosted a pampered chef party here. Ever the faithful roommate, I saw an opportunity to for once make up all the many favors she has done for me. 

It was cute, and people smiled. They ooohed and awwwed over the "awesome chip clip/spoon" (yah, I don't get it either. Why  would you need a spoon on your chip clip? w/e). They made tenderloin and a dessert trifle and for a moment I desired the apron. For a moment I wanted to be the mom who makes cookies and finds joy in doing laundry...and then I bought my mom a knife for mother's day (yes, she asked for a knife. I would be worried, but I don't live there) and I was snapped back by the fact my fave thing in the order book was a wine pourer/stopper. 

I am no longer that girl and I have now accepted it. I love kiddos, may have my own someday, but they will be stuck with my bad cooking and a working mother...and I'm okay with that. My mother had the purest reasons for ordering a knife, but I know if I were to be a stay at home mom, my knife order would have a shameful purpose. It would be doomed to a life of opening the plastic on the frozen lasagna. And a $25 knife deserves a good home and a life with purpose., just like me, even if the life I desire isn't the 1950's susie homemaker.